Houseband's musings

Posts tagged “God

Houseband’s one-on-one with God

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Lord, for the longest time I have wondered how it feels, really, to be here and actually talk to you, in person. All my life, I have always envisioned you to be just there, THERE – somewhere, listening to us all, to our sighs, our litanies of wishes and wants, out prayers, even the most embarrassing desires, knowing that our conversation with you is in just one way direction, we speak, you listen (whether you like it or not)…

But, here you are…like, YOU are really here!

Lord, honestly, I do not know where to begin, or what to say and what to ask you…oh, and please forgive me, you see, almost automatically I am here to ask, and ask, and ask…

I am ashamed…

But to be honest Lord, I really have a lot of things to ask you, and a lot of questions too…

Shall I fire off, or you will have the first say…

Really, you want me to go right on? You really are my Lord, and my God.

Well, Lord… you see, I am very troubled. I know that you know my situation. It is just that, well, it has been quite a long time now since I got married, and until now I do not have a child yet.

You see, even though I try to deny it, but deep inside I know that I am gripped with envy, especially with my friends and relatives that are having a happy and complete life.

I feel bitter sometimes when I see couples, or families that could barely feed their own but their children abound!

I feel that there is injustice here. I feel like accusing you of being so unjust!

But, you know what Lord? I could not bring myself to voice out my suffering, or my sentiments, because I am afraid of you, that any moment you wave your hand, and I am gone, or that something bad will happen to me, or my family.

I am sorry for that Lord, I should not be crossing the line, or test more your patience.

But Lord, am I not deserving of such joy?

That happy feeling of having to wake-up and see my children all curled-up, comforted that they are safe and protected, and well fed, and have parents that love them very much?

Ah, but all these are just in my mind, and in my heart, and almost always ready to spring-up whenever I see the very images in front of me, in the images of those people around me.

Lord, sorry if I could not help crying, I am just too emotional hearing all these things from my own.

So, Lord… would it be alright if I ask you that you let me experience the joy of parenthood?